Things Are Coming
by smileyanne
Summary: Darth Raydor doesn't express her emotions often, but when she does...things are explosive. Only, this time there will be someone there to help her through. After 3x17. Warning: Read a/n.


_a/n: This is my first ever Major Crimes fanfic, and after last weeks episode I just couldn't resist. I don't know if I'll write anymore after this, I guess it just depends on inspiration and whether of not it's well received or not._

_WARNING: IF PANIC ATTACKS ARE A TRIGGER (I don't really know, but I'm not taking any chances.) THIS ISN'T THE STORY FOR YOU._

_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN MAJOR CRIMES._

* * *

><p>It's well after midnight, and Sharon is the only one left. Mike, Sykes, and even Provenza had all gone home long ago. And Julio had exited the building before the sun had even begun to set. Hours ago she'd texted Rusty, telling him she was staying to work on paperwork.<p>

Sharon knew it might not be fair; the last time she'd seen the boy, they'd been quietly arguing over Jack's prostrate form. But to be fair, she had stayed to work on paperwork. Those twice weekly anger management classes Julio would soon be attending required her multiple signatures.

For a while, it had been about the paperwork. But somewhere, somewhere in the little unacknowledged portion of her mind that was going crazy;…was waiting for it.

It had come on slowly. While signing her name over and over again, she had allowed her mind to wander. Soon…the fine print began to blur in her vision.

That's when Sharon had taken her glasses off.

Her chest had begun to tighten, something that had been coming on steadily for the last day. Her heart was pounding, and she knew that this was going to be a bad one.

Sharon had known that this would hit the moment she allowed herself to be emerged in her thoughts. Sometimes, to let her mind run rampant, could be a dangerous thing for a woman like Sharon Raydor.

She had abandoned her office chair long ago, one hand clutched tightly to her stomach and the other covering her mouth; she sank to her knees like a puddle of goo. Her breathing was heavy and labored, and when she thought she was about to hyperventilate; the first sob came out muffled from behind her hand.

When Sharon cried-the rare times that she did-she didn't sob or screech dramatically. The tears she did allow herself to shed on occasion were silent and barely there. Because, like always, there was no way Darth Raydor would ever allow herself to be overcome by emotions.

But when everything built up; layers upon layers of madness. This things happened, where she couldn't control herself anymore. Where she couldn't stop her labored breathing, or the panic running through her veins at her thoughts.

Her back against her desk, and her knees pulled up tight to her body. She kept her hand pressed against her mouth, biting down on her thumb she tried to muffle her sounds. Her stomach was killing her from her desperate gasping, and in an effort to grasp a little control; she trusted a hand through her thick hair.

She was sure looked crazy; she felt crazy. But it was all just blurring together, a mantra in her thoughts: 'drinking, Rusty, gambling, death, murder, Jack, money, anger, Julio, Stroh, death, wine, secrets, F.I.D, everyone hates me, everyone hates me, everyone hates me-'

Sharon lost track of how long she sat there. Curled up into a loose ball, and trying so very hard to get herself under control, she couldn't stop her thoughts. They egged her on and made it worse, to the point where she wasn't even sure if she was crying or not. All she knew was that she couldn't stop-

In all of her hysteria, she didn't hear the door to her office open. If she had, her professionalism would've taken over the best it could. Instead she sat behind her desk, loosing her mind, as one of her subordinates rounded to face her.

"Sharon!" Lieutenant Flynn exclaimed, through her haze Sharon could see the frantic worry in his eyes as he looked at his boss on the ground in front of him.

'Sharon, Sharon. It's back to Sharon now.' He hadn't called her Sharon personally for a while now, and she knew that too was her own fault.

Her throat constricted tightly around a sob or a hiccup, she didn't know, "Andy."

She had thought that, along with the others, Andy had left hours ago. But at the moment, she didn't really care if he saw her like this. If it had been anyone else though….

Hurriedly he dropped to his knees in front of her. She was grateful that he didn't try to sit next to her at the moment, because she still couldn't breathe. And she wasn't sure but she thought it was a safe bet to guess that tears were streaming down her face.

"Sharon," he murmured, reaching out to lightly touch the side of her face. Sharon gasped, though her hand still muffled it, because now her mind was screaming at her: 'death, secrets, Jack, money, murder, drunk, Rusty, wine, anger, Julio, everyone hates me, everyone hates me, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, friends, not dating, dating, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy-'

For a while, things had been so very good. The darkness had still been there, of course, but it had been pushed back into the shadows where it belonged in favor of the light. Sharon wondered what happened to the days where Rusty was happy on the show, where Andy and she went to dinner after a tough case, and at night-all she had to worry about-was her guilty thoughts of what it would be like to kiss the man in front of her.

"Sharon. Sharon," he repeated softly, his fingers stroking her face; he was trying to reach through to her. She knew that, she knew protocol when one was having a panic attack like this. And, maybe this was wrong, but the worry lighting his eyes on fire; warmed her just a little. "You're going to hyperventilate. Please, please, breathe.

If she stopped to take a good, deep breath; she was going to sob, or scream. She wasn't quite sure yet. Instead, in between gasps, she choked out his name again-

"Andy."

The man crouched in front of her dropped back on his butt. He scooted backwards until his back hit the wall across from her, and his feet stretched out beside her. He was giving her space, she knew, now that she had answered him. But was still close to her, close enough to reach out and gently ease the hand that had been threaded through her hair out of it.

He didn't let go of it though, his large hand wrapped firmly around her slender one. Giving her a very firm anchor to hold onto, and Sharon held onto it like her life-her sanity-depended on it.

"What's wrong Sharon? What's happened?" His quiet voice reached across the distance easily. She felt his hand squeeze hers even tighter; she hadn't known that was even possible.

"Nothing," she wheezed, and her throat constricted around a scream. Of frustration, or anger, she wasn't sure.

"Please. Please. Please. Tell me what's wrong. You've got to calm down. You're going to make yourself sick. Sharon. Please. Please" His own mantra of words faded in her mind. She couldn't stop herself, there was nothing but the thoughts of everything she had done wrong . Oh the things she had done wrong.

"Jack," against her will, her mouth was moving. Spilling her own secrets before she could stop herself. Heck, with it just being Andy, she didn't know if she actually cared to stop herself. "He was, he was, at the apartment-drunk."

She didn't give him a chance to respond, but when the tears cleared from her vision she could see his face again. It was a lightening mask of fury. She didn't give him a chance to speak-

"And it was in the middle of everything with Julio. Rusty's the one that found him, and he took his keys. That's why Rusty came to the office, but when I got-got home. Rusty convinced me to leave him there to deal with Jack, because he says he's dealt with these things before. But he shouldn't have to, because he's with me now and he should never have to deal with that stuff again-"

She gasped, her random babbling taking too much breath. And the sobs that came in between, taking up even more. She wasn't even sure if she was speaking coherently or not, but Andy seemed to understand and that's all that mattered to her at the moment.

"He's with me now. And he says that I should've seen the men his mom," she hissed the word 'mom', "Use to bring home. But he will never have to deal with that again, and Jack shouldn't have put any of us in that position just because he had a damn key!"

Andy clenched his jaw tightly, but otherwise stayed silent. Waiting for her to get it all off her chest.

"I'm such an idiot," she growled in self-deprecation, "He had a key and he got in, and he wanted me to take the money he got gambling. He's drinking again Andy. He's drinking and he's gambling, and Julio's the one who's got anger issues. But all I wanted to do was smash those wine bottle against his skull for doing this. And things aren't going to be okay with Julio, you've been to those classes before Andy-"

She had to stop there, her heart was pounding angrily. And her vision was blurring horribly again, she couldn't breathe. The numbness in her fingers indicative to the fact that she was in fact, hyperventilating.

"Shhhh. Sharon," her blue fingertips throwing him into action. Swiftly he clambered to her side, and without a moment of hesitation; he gathered her to him….And she let him.

If she was being honest with herself (and she rarely was), she missed the days of 'not dates' with Andy. Everything had been going so fine; dinners, movies, she had even been able to convince him to go dancing one Saturday together. Then their children had put in their input, and things had gotten awkward between them.

Now, burrowed into him desperately, his arms like steel bands around her. She was reminded of what it was like to sit through a movie with him. His presence solid and secure, right there beside her in the darkness. Right then and there, she wished they were at a movie; just the two of them in the whole theater, their own little world. She wanted him to take her to see a movie, and she knew-if she asked him to-he would take her anywhere she wanted to go.

Sharon had always wondered what it would be like to hug Andy; really hug him, and now she wondered why it had taken her until she was a hysterical mess on her office floor to allow this to happen. His arms felt comforting around her as she took in shuddering breaths, and unconsciously she turned her head to bury her face in the fabric of his shirt.

Her mind was still covered in a fog that came from desperation, and an onslaught of emotions. Along with oxygen deprivation. Though she could feel his touch surrounding her, his words were lost to her while she babbled the rest of her story from the past few days.

"I had to read Julio his rights. And the people from F.I.D-my friends-don't consider me friends anymore. I'm sure they hate me, and Provenza hates me. I wouldn't be surprised if Julio hates me. I had to do what I did Andy! I had to! With the fact that there's always a threat hanging over Rusty, and Jack apologized. Jack apologized to me this time Andy, and I really think he meant it too-"

"Sharon!" She heard his voice; loud and booming, directly in her ear, "Sharon!" He was trying to get her attention and she was trying to give it to him. But it was hard to get past the fog, and her need to just tell someone everything.

She didn't stop gasping, and her head felt heavy but she raised her eyes to look at him the best she could. Andy looked as if he was just barely keeping it together himself, anger and worry, sadness, and…fright battled for the forefront in his emotions.

"Breathe," he commanded of her in a more sedate tone. She took a shuddering, tentative breath. Maybe it was just her imagination, but was the ache in her chest easing? "Breathe," he said again, rubbing her arms soothingly.

His hands were calloused from his years of handling a lethal weapon, and warm…..Andy was always warm. Sharon didn't give one damn about propriety at the moment, or friends or not friends. She shivered and snuggled closer to him, ducking back down into his chest. Tears leaked steadily from her eyes, and yet she couldn't decide if she was sad or not. She didn't feel sad, she felt….hysteric…and confused.

The rest of the story could wait. At the moment, she had to concentrate on not passing out.

"Breathe, Sharon," he said once more, his voice carefully controlled. Her face buried in his chest, and his arms gently rocking her back and forth. She allowed herself this moment as she tried to calm her breathing. She felt one of his hands stroking her hair back rhythmically.

It took a while, but eventually her desperate gasps eased into shuddering breaths. She was still trembling horribly, and the tears were still streaking down her face. But she could breathe again, and she had feeling in her fingers and toes once more.

"That's it," he whispered, still rocking her and smoothing her hair back, "Just keeping breathing, okay? Just keep breathing."

Sharon lifted her head at an angle that still allowed him to mess with her hair; if felt good, what he was doing. She could fall asleep like this, she realized suddenly. With her subordinate's arms around her, playing softly with her hair. Along with her breath, the cloud her mind had been under had dissipate enough that she knew she should put an end to this.

Seriously, though, who cared?

Honestly? They were alone, no one was there to see them. Sharon knew Andy would never mention this incident again outside of her office. So really, who cared if she stayed in her lieutenant's arms for a little while longer?

Who cared if this man knew more of her secrets than she ever cared for him to in the beginning?

"Sharon," he whispered when her breathing was soft; still unsteady, but soft. "Why didn't you tell me Jack had been at the condo?"

When she was able to focus her vision on him, blurry from her lack of glasses, she could see the pinched look on his face. She recognized that look intimately from her days as F.I.D, and Andy's days of hothead defiance.

And she doesn't even have it in her to tell him that the reason why she didn't tell him was because it was none of his business. Sharon doesn't think she even has the right to deny him his answer when he was on the ground with her, holding her while she fell apart at the seams.

"Because," rasped, "I didn't want to have to get you off a murder charge too….Doing it for Julio was hard enough."

She half expected a reluctant laugh at that, but Andy's face stayed dark. She knew, as surely as she knew her own name, that if Andy was ever in suspicion of the murder of Jackson Raydor; it wouldn't be a false charge. The thing is, she doesn't know who she would support in that situation.

"I told you to change the locks," he growled roughly. Sharon wanted to roll her eyes, but she could still feel the tears streaking down her face. And the hysteria swimming in her veins. She guessed that he did have the right to tell her that, considering he had lectured on her locks. Many times actually, and with various forms of intensity.

"I know, it's just that it was easier in terms of Ricky and Emily. And old habits die hard," she looked up at him from under wet lashes, her breathing speeding up again, "You know that."

She felt his arms tense around. Ignoring it for the moment she continued with her rant before she lost her steam, "But I'm going to now. Considering Rusty was the one who found him, and it would've been different if I had been there. But I wasn't, and-" She choked up then, because it had just now occurred to her how this situation could've been worse. "And I don't even, I'm just glad…..At least Jack's never been violent."

Her and Andy both shuddered at that. She was aware that was one of Andy's own fears, that there was something she had never told him about Jack's drinking years. And she also knew there was something he was ashamed of besides his own years of being inebriated:

Jack was a docile drunk.

And though Andy, by no means, had ever been close to the abusive type. Sharon knew that out of the two, he'd been the more volatile one.

"But that's not all that's bothering you though." Andy said after a while, and Sharon could just feel it building back up.

"Why do you say that?" She couldn't tell if it was a sob or a laugh.

"You're on the floor of your office, having a panic attack. Jack was an ass, that's nothing new. It wouldn't cause this." He said softly, his hand stroking her hair a little more firmly.

Vaguely, she had the thought that there would be no need to interrogate any female suspects ever. Just let Andy do this to them, and they would spill all their secrets.

She hiccuped weakly, and the words just slipped.

"My kids knew."

The tears were killing her now, and they weren't tears of sadness. Maybe they were just one's of…frustration? Anger? She would concede to a little bit of sadness.

"Ricky," his hand moved to rub her back in small circles, and this time her breath hitched for an entirely different reason, "Emily, and Rusty all knew at Christmas that Jack was drinking again. Rusty spilled earlier. They didn't-they didn't tell me…because they wanted to protect me."

"They thought what they were doing was right. They just wanted to protect you."

"I know." And she did know, her children had had the right intent. But she would've liked a little warning before….the scene earlier. The incident that had jump started this whole attack. "Jack apologized to me."

Andy was silent for a moment, and Sharon almost lost her nerve. Sitting there, on her office floor together, practically in his lap. His eyes were tight and worried, but the fear and…anger, was still there when he replied.

"He mean it this time?"

There was double-meaning in that question. Sharon knew he was asking if he had actually meant it, if Sharon had accepted the apology, and he was asking….if it changed things.

She let her head fall feebly back against his chest, too tired to hold it up any longer.

"I think so," she mumbled thickly, choosing her words carefully, "I think reality is finally catching up with him. I think he doesn't know how to function after twenty years of technically being married to me, now that he's not. I think he's finally realizing what he's loosing with his children…..I think a lot of things…"

She found the strength to look him in the eye when she said her next words, "But I know a few things too. I know, that in a way…I'll always love Jack. He was my first love, my husband for over a decade, and the father of my children. In a platonic way, I will love him…..But it doesn't change the way things are between us. Jack and I are over, and that's for good."

The glint in Andy's eyes, the one that shadowed over the anger and fear, proved he understood her words. Understood that those words were a promise between the two of them, one that she wasn't ready to acknowledge.

She hid her face again.

"My children have been keeping secrets from me Andy. I've always known everything about my children; even the things they tried to hide. I knew the nights Emily snuck out to go partying. I knew the nights Ricky didn't get in till dawn. I let them think that I didn't know, that they had gotten away with having a secret of their own. But this, this, is the thing I drop the ball on."

"You can't be everywhere. Believe it or not, woman, you aren't Superwoman. You need sleep, and to eat, and you've got to take time out to spend with that kid you're so fond of every now and again," he teased her in jest, and Sharon almost smiled. "You run a team of mostly idiots. And you juggle a private life more complex then any of ours. You're doing a pretty damn good job with it all."

His words had been spoken fiercely, and other than the teasing comment. His last words made the tears stream harder. Her eyes itched, and her body trembled. But her last thoughts just wouldn't go away.

"You're wrong. I'm screwing everything up left and right. It's why you all hate me." She said mournfully.

"Wait-what?!" His suddenly loud voice made her jump in fright. Before she could move, his large hands captured her face and tilted her head up. Until she was forced to meet his gaze…

"Woman," he almost hissed, "What on earth are you talking about?"

Sharon was at a loss for what Andy was thinking-or feeling-now. And she wondered, was he here out of pity? Did he pity his poor former Captain friend, sitting on her office floor, almost puking her guts up from anxiety?

That thought, made an even worse feeling course through her veins. She hated the idea of Andy, or-in fact-anyone, pitying her. Her thoughts must have shown on her face, because he tightened himself even more around her. Effectively cutting off any halfhearted attempts she may have made towards escaping.

"Woman, how could you ever think any of us could hate you?"

"Well it was pretty easy a few years ago." She rebutted, and Andy noticeably flinched. Neither of them liked to remember her years of FID or the first good while after she had taken over the division. It hadn't been good for either of them, and looking back she wondered how in the world their relationship could've gone so far.

"You were a bitch back then," Andy retorted bluntly. Sharon didn't bother even correcting him for his course language, his hands still held her face but her eyes avoided his. Not bothering for once to fight back for herself.

"I was doing my job, and I had to do my job to handle Julio. You all hated me then. How could you not hate me now? Sanchez, Provenza, and even Tao…"

"Okay," he said firmly, "Let's get something straight. Sanchez needed help; you gave it to him. He'll be indebt to you for that. Tao, as long as everything turns out okay, couldn't care less how things came around. Now, Provenza….that man is more loyally devoted to you and the kid then he'll ever admit to." Her eyes flew to his face at that, expecting him to be smirking from his teasing. Instead he was looking at her as if he could somehow burn the truth into her…..

"And honey," her brain didn't even try to process the repercussions of the term of endearment, "I couldn't hate you even if I wanted to."

She had missed, somehow during his rant, that his fingers had slowly been swiping away the tears on her cheeks. Her sob had long ago ended, and the hiccups were far and few between. Her breathing was even back to a smooth, easy rhythm.

They didn't hate her.

Andy was looking at her as if the idea that he could ever hate her was a personal offense. That meant something, she was sure. She was sure it meant something that here she was, almost on his lap, well after midnight on the floor of her office. Letting him hold her tightly.

Things were happening between her and Andy, good things. Things that she couldn't handle yet, not until everything in the darkness had been fleshed out and bled to death. Her and Andy couldn't be that yet, they couldn't act on the feeling that was holding the two of them.

"Okay," she said, tentatively. With her realizations, came the never ending tiredness that made her want to sleep for an eternity.

Her eyes slid shut at the feeling of his fingers stroking her cheeks. Slowly Andy let his hands fall away, and she was debating getting up and moving when he pulled her back to her original position against his chest.

"Do you ever get the feeling that things are coming, that things are going to be changing soon?" She asked, and she knew that he would understood her meaning. She didn't mean between them at the moment, things still needed to happen-things still needed to be said-before there could be a them.

"Yes," he agreed easily. His hands resuming their earlier path, and Sharon allowed herself to relax further on the cold office floor.

"Bad things?"

"….Yes," he said decisively after a moment. And despite the subject of the conversation, Sharon had to allow herself one little smile. Simply because Andy got it, he got the meaning of her words. And he didn't think her a fool for 'nonsensical worry'. He knew, along with her, that something bad was coming. And everything was going to change because of it.

"Andy," she murmured after a little while of drowsy contentment, "I'm about to fall asleep on you." She warned.

She could feel a laugh rumble through his chest at that, a warm, content, real laugh. That made her drowsy feeling intensify and her reasoning to get up off and away from him become less and less.

"That's fine," he reassured her. Was it just her imagination or did she feel him bury his face in her hair? "Go to sleep."

"Your back," she protested weakly. His back, her knees, they weren't as young as the use to be. She needed his motivation to get up and get off the office floor. Because a night on a cold floor wouldn't be ideal for either of them.

"Doesn't matter," he pulled her closer to him, and it was her sleep deprivation that made it seem okay for her to nuzzle closer to his chest…..

"Go to sleep Sharon. I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

><p><em>an: Yeah this is kind of crappy. But I can kind of see Sharon having a break down after this last episode. Would anyone blame her for it, really?_


End file.
